The How-To Guide on Working with People You Dislike

It has happened to all of us--we have been stuck in a group with that ONE person that makes us so angry we could yell.  Somehow, we have all survived those experiences with varying levels of injury.  As anyone who works in a professional setting will tell you, you will always have to work with someone that you cannot stand.  Here are a few pointers that I have found useful to myself when I am put in these situations.

The One Who Won't Pull His/Her Weight

I think I find this situation the worst.  I am always of the opinion that "if you are not going to try, then why are you even here?"  This kind of person is dead weight on the team--you can ask him/her to fulfill a task, but there is no guarantee that it will be completed or completed to an acceptable level.

Fill the Void Yourself

I know this is not a solution that anyone wants to hear, but it is the honest truth.  If you have a dead-weight, then it is still your team's responsibility to get all elements together for the project.  Sometimes, this means that you have to bite the bullet yourself and do the part that the dead-weight will not do.

There is one bonus to this outcome.  (Hard to believe, I know.)  Your professor/boss will be able to detect the dead-weight in the group very quickly.  The person who did not complete their part is easily detectable.  If it is a written paper, a professor will be able to read it and know that it is all in one voice.  Presentations are a chance for the biggest red flags to pop up.  If there are gaps in a person's knowledge, it is going to be blatant when someone is standing in front of the class with very few things to say.

Let the Gaps Stay Present

Sometimes you are under too much stress to do anything than your initially assigned part.  In these cases, you have to let the chips fall where they may.  Sometimes one must "suck it up" and let it just happen.  If the parts were assigned by your professor, he or she will know exactly who did and did not fulfill the necessary obligations to fulfill the project's specifications.

This is not my first suggestion, especially if the parts were not specifically assigned to each person.  The professor may think that you or your group forgot an essential part of the assignment.  This can strongly affect your grade.  But, if you have to take a few points off of your grade rather than bombing then entire assignment, that may be a sacrifice you must make.

Explain the Situation to the Professor

I know that no one wants to be a tattletale, but if you are having that much trouble with a member of your group and everyone in the group has done everything that they could, sometimes you have to go to your last resort.  There has been only one time that I have had to do it, but the professor seemed to already know what was going on.  The professor knew that the one group member had not been meeting during all of our planning meetings, and he was very aware that the group member was not researching his piece of the project.  Professors are often significantly more perceptive than we give them credit for.

The One Who is the "Know-It-All"

Your first instinct, in this case, may be to confront the troublemaker of the group.  That is not the best choice.  If a group member is starting out hard-headed, there is no reason to believe that they won't continue to be.  The best thing to do is to make strong suggestions, and take things in the direction that you believe will produce the best product possible.

Avoid the Screaming Match at All Costs

Lawyer personalities--we are all Type A.  This means that we do not always keep our cool, but in this case, it is imperative.  No one likes the person who overreacts or explodes.  It makes everyone fearful of your future reactions to their ideas and input.

Screaming matches also do not make one appear very professional, but rather immature.  This is something that people will remember well into their professional careers--when they are either facing you in the courtroom or sitting across from you in the conference room during negotiations.  The impression that you leave with people now is the impression that they will have for the rest of time.

No One Can Actually Know It All

There is no such thing as someone who is omnipotent.  No single person can actually know every piece of knowledge that is possible to know.  When someone makes a mistake, do not be quick and unsympathetic.  It could be you that has cases and facts mixed up, and you do not need someone to turn around and meanly point it out to you.

When the "Know-It-All" comes down off of his or her pedestal, there is no need to make it a larger deal than it is.  After he or she admits that he or she made a mistake, let it go.  Everyone will respect you more for that than pointing out the fact that you are right and rubbing it in.  Be a team player and support the others.  Do not let others define you.

There is No Such Thing As Perfect

Even if you have the exact group that you want, nothing will be perfect.  Friends will make mistakes.  People who you thought you could trust will let you down, and life will give you your fair share of speed bumps.  No matter what, keep your head held high, a strong sense of dignity, and your composure.

Believe me, I have been there.

I Took My Boyfriend To Class

It's no question that law school is tough. All through orientation I was told, "Law school is a marathon, not a sprint." However, I have the added stress of being in a long-distance relationship –  on top of my 1L status – which makes life a hectic, stressful feat, in and of itself.

One of the benefits of my relationship though is that my boyfriend, whom I've been with since November 2016, is a lawyer himself with his own criminal defense firm in Boise, Idaho. This makes the distance between us approximately 1,248 miles – not that I've confirmed this with Google Maps a dozen times for accuracy. While things are tough, he makes every attempt to visit me in Nebraska – especially during breaks. So far, he has visited Nebraska five times since August, when he helped me move into my apartment –  since I had a busted leg (but that's for another story). But, it was this last visit that made things really interesting as it was against his usual M.O. of visiting during breaks; he visited when I had class. So, I proceeded to bring him to class with me. It was either that or he stay at home by himself and the cats until taking him to the airport immediately after class. My boyfriend, two years post-Bar Exam and 2.5 years post-graduation, sat in on three of my second semester 1L classes: Legal Research & Writing II, Civil Procedure II, and Constitutional Law II.

**Disclaimer: I asked permission of all my professors a week or two in advance of my boyfriend actually sitting in class.

Legal Research & Writing II: 9:30-10:45a

This is my first class of the week and honestly, it's a great way to start. I sit in the very back of class - due to my having chosen the spot last semester due to my leg injury (again, this is for another story) - so, it was easy for my boyfriend to not be a distraction to the other students. My professor is very laid-back and has a sarcastic sense of humor, and she also brings baked goods on occasion. This day was no exception as she brought homemade cookies for everyone (there are approximately 16 kids in my LRW section). This week, our class was light in nature as we were doing mock oral arguments, for extra credit, in preparation of our Motion Brief oral arguments taking place next week.

After everyone got their cookies, and before we started oral arguments, my professor made sure everyone in class knew I brought "Show-and-Tell" to class. Boyfriend gave a brief introduction about himself and then gave everyone great reassurance that we are all in law school because we were rock stars in undergrad and that school believes in us and that this should translate to our oral arguments; go in confident, like a rock star, and believe in yourself. He also regaled the class about how terrified he is for his own upcoming oral argument in front of the Idaho Court of Appeals next month, letting everyone know that even as a lawyer, he still gets scared too. We then got into our mock oral arguments, which were all structured around silly topics like “heels are better than flats/flats are better than heels.” Since it was extra credit, and we were doing this for two class periods, I chose not to volunteer during class as the idea of giving an argument in front of Boyfriend – as well as being questioned by him – was nerve-wracking, even though I’ve watched him in court multiple times. Sure enough, he did ask questions of the other students who were presenting oral arguments and even got some kudos from my professor, who exclaimed how much she liked his style. Overall, he really enjoyed sitting in on this class with me.

Lunch Hour: 10:45a-1:00p

Everyone’s favorite time: lunch.  Boyfriend and I spent this time eating lunch that I had made the night before in the Commons. A few of my friends from class came by to talk to us a little bit more now that we were out of class. One of my classmates even told us that we have very similar smiles, something we had never been told before.

After eating lunch, I worked on filling out my application to be a 2L Orientation Mentor for next year’s incoming 1L class. Since this had to be submitted to the administrative offices, I introduced Boyfriend to the Assistant Dean of Admissions, who had watched me progress through my injury and heard all of the stories of how Boyfriend had been such a helpful and wonderful man during one of the hardest times. Plus, I had only been talking about him for the last 7.5 months, so she was dying to be introduced. She was so excited to finally be meeting Boyfriend that she came out and gave him a big hug because, “I feel like I know you at this point.” We talked for a good half an hour prior to going to class.

Civil Procedure II: 1:00p-2:30p

Honestly, Civil Procedure is probably the most boring class I could possibly have. However, my normal professor keeps it interesting by using Top Hat software for class participation. My professors NEVER calls on anyone during class. Unfortunately, we had a “substitute” professor to teach our class and it happened to be the teacher who is completely scatterbrained during lecture. So, we happened to be at the point in the course where we are discussing the Erie doctrine. For me, this topic is hard enough as it is but now I have a professor who gets sidetracked on random tangents trying to explain it to an entire class. Boyfriend found this class the hardest to sit through. We spent a good amount of time trading notes on a little piece of paper about little nuances that were going on. My professor was determined to see how our class had set up our “flowcharts” for the Erie doctrine – which I can guarantee, a majority of the class has not created a flowchart for this topic.

Professor kept asking us questions regarding an assignment that we had to do over the previous weekend, but no one was engaging or participating. Boyfriend found this the hardest part of sitting through second semester 1L classes: not being able to answer questions to which he now knows the answers to. He also took out the time to tell me that the Erie doctrine is really only a three-box flowchart for the Bar Exam, but that – of course for a 1L class – it would be a 15-box flowchart as it relates to school exams. Honestly, it was painful to watch Boyfriend sit through this class because it was just as painful for me and my classmates.

Constitutional Law II: 2:30p-3:45p

Boyfriend will be the first to tell you, he is a Con Law nerd. This actually rubbed off onto me in second semester of Con Law to where I found myself telling him, “I’m really sorry I said I hated Con Law so much.” Now, whenever I read something for class that I want to talk about, it turns into a 90-minute conversation about all the things related to that one topic.

Any who, my Con Law professor is also my favorite. He’s former military, wears impeccable tailored suits and I’m sure that every girl in class has somewhat of a crush on the guy. But, I digress.

We spent the day talking about First Amendment and fighting words, aka Chaplinsky issues. Being that Boyfriend is a Con Law nerd, he found it exceptionally hard to not input anything toward the conversation. He also commented afterwards about how he felt that my Con Law professor uses the Socratic method in one of the more proper ways he’s seen as well as the general overall structure. He also noticed how my Con Law professor tries to keep everything conversational and not as terrifying as it should be. He was kind of sad that we couldn’t get to one of his favorite First Amendment cases – Cohen v. California (1971). He will tell you this was probably his second favorite experience of coming to class with me.

Throughout the day, Boyfriend met several of my friends from class – all of whom I had told all about him because he’s just so awesome to me. Afterwards, a lot of my friends came up to me and told me how cool it was that he sat in on class with us and how nice of a guy he is. To be honest, I was terrified to have him come with me seeing that he had already done his three years of suffering, but overall it was an enjoyable experience.

Stay classy everyone!